I'm Fallin' to Pieces
by BadW0lfGirl
Summary: Songfic. Takes place after Damon compels Elena.


**So...a new songfic. I know it doesn't totally fit, but I tried. Takes place after Damon compels Elena. **

**Disclaimer: I own not the song, nor the show and it's characters.

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_"I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing_

_Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in. _

_'Cause I got time off, she got freedom,_

_'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even."_

I'm sitting in the Boarding House now, in front of the fireplace. Scotch in hand. This is the third bottle. Yes, bottle. Not glass. Maybe eventually I'll be knocked out. Why am I trying to drink myself into a coma, you may ask?

Why else? What is the only reason ever that gets a man to drink this much? Come on, you can think of it. Come on, dude. Seriously? You don't know? Fine. I'll tell you. A woman. Yes, that's right. That's always what it always comes down to, isn't it? The love of a woman. But this woman isn't just any woman. She is the woman. She has the most beautiful deep chocolate brown eyes. Those eyes have been much too seriously lately. But then, why wouldn't they be? She has gorgeous brown hair that falls straight down her back. Though I haven't seen it in a while, her smile could light up not just a room, but a city. Her name is Elena Gilbert. And she is the only woman who has ever truly taken hold of my heart. And she doesn't even know it.

You see, we-my brother Stefan and I-just got back from saving her from at first just these two vampires who had kidnapped her. Now we came to find out that an Original vampire is after her. I killed one tonight, well I thought I did. See, he had taken her necklace to compel her. Stefan and Elena didn't know, but I went back to the mansion to get the vervain necklace back, and saw that even though I had staked the other Original, his body was gone. No one would have known he was there, so either he is still alive, or someone did in fact run off with his body.

Back to why I'm drinking. When Stefan and I saved her, even though it was I who staked the vamp, it was Stefan she ran to, and sought comfort from. Though they are broken up at the moment, he still holds her heart. Sure, she nodded at me a little in thanks, but it wasn't me she hugged. Wasn't me she rushed to.

But I know I don't deserve her. I know there is no way on earth that she will love me. I'm the monster. I'm the one who killed half of her hometown when we first met. Yeah, I did it because I thought I still loved Katherine, but it ruined any chances I would have had with Elena.

You know what's funny though? When Isobel came to see Elena, she told her that I loved her. And Elena doesn't believe it. Not truly. When I kissed Katherine, thinking it was her, after Elena found out, she still didn't understand.

And now that I just got back from seeing her, she never will know that I do love her. See, when I went over there to give her the vervain filled necklace, before I gave it to her, I told her something she would never believe. She never will if anyone tells her about it. See, the most important thing I told her was 'I love you.'

But I compelled her to forget. And I put the necklace on her, and left. For a second I thought her ceiling was leaking while I compelled her. That's the first time I've cried in….who knows how long. And she'll never know.

While I'm wide awake, drinking myself into a coma, she'll have no trouble at all sleeping. Which is the way it should be. If I had told her and allowed her to remember, she would never get any sleep. First thing she would do is avoid the situation, deflecting it with 'I love Stefan' or 'I don't want to talk about this right now, Damon.'

Hell, she might even laugh. No, that's a lie. She isn't cruel. Even though she doesn't feel how I do, she would never laugh. Katherine would. But Elena is so much better than Katherine. She is pure. She is kind, and beautiful. And while Katherine may be beautiful on the outside, on the inside she is hideous on the inside.

Either way though, I broke my own heart today. And when a heart breaks it doesn't break even.

_"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,_

_And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?_

_I'm fallin' to pieces. I'm fallin' to pieces, yeah._

_They say bad things happen for a reason,_

_But no wise word's gonna stop the bleedin'."

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**So? Whatcha think? I don't like the ending very much, but that's the only way I could think of. Hope ya liked it! Review please!**


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